The US Employment and Labor Evaluation Service Study (USELESS) recently completed a study on Social Media and workplace productivity. The latest study found that the beta release of Google+ created an unexpected surge in job demand across all industries in the US.
After further research USELESS found that productivity had a sharp decrease in the weeks following the beta release of Google+ and employers were consequently forced to hire additional staff. The study found the productivity drops were across all industries from manufacturing to retail, with technology and software industries experiencing the sharpest drop. The most notable productivity drops were at Facebook headquarters where the study found a 50% drop in productivity. No comment or explanation was available from Facebook regarding this unexpected drop, however a company spokesman stated it was unrelated and the data was certainly flawed.
Congress was quick to respond to this data and hailed Social Media as a job and economic growth engine. Democrats proposed more “social” programs and when pressed to explain this further stated they want “more of this”. Not to be outdone Republicans quickly issued a statement that tax credits made Social Media possible and are pressing for a quick vote to create a special Social Media tax credit for use in the work place to spur more development and hence more job creation. Both sides agree that more must be done to increase Social Media use and thereby fuel this potential economic growth engine.
Several leading universities are applying for USELESS grants to study Social Media behavior and how it can be used to create jobs and economic growth while the high tech sector and a flood of start ups are in a race for USELESS small business grants to create new social networks and promote more work place use.
In related news from China, the government is planning new Social Media regulations requiring all social networks to log and track time spent on social networks with stiff penalties and possible jail time for use during work time. In a statement from the Peoples Union for Network Initiatives Safety and Hospitality (PUNISH) a spokesman stated this policy is in the best interest of China and its people to insure high productivity is maintained and to protect its people from the harmful affects of too much time wasted on social networks and overexposure to hedonistic Western culture.
Note and disclaimer: the above blog post is a satire piece by Bill Grunau and a fictionalized account and story. Just in case you couldn’t figure it out…